This Guy Dresses Up Like His 17-Year-Old Girlfriend So He Can Take A Tough Exam For Her

yan Zhademov’s 17-year-old girlfriend was terrified and rather stressed out about taking an end-of-the-year test. So, instead of placating her and giving her a nice back massage to ease out her stress like any other normal boyfriend, Ayan went way out of the boyfriend duty line and decided to put on some make-up, wear a wig, squeeze into her girlfriend’s clothes and basically tried to take the exam instead of her.

Unfortunately, and much to the lovestruck boyfriend’s chagrin, the examiners were too sharp. They figured out the girl looked different from her identity card and caught him within minutes. They took him aside, interrogated him and needless to say his nervous voice gave him away almost immediately.

According to an interview to Daily Mail, the spokesman for the exam board said: ‘We suspected it might be another woman that had taken the candidate’s place, but we never suspected it was a man that had taken her place. At least not until he started speaking! He tried speaking in a high voice but it was obvious then that he was a male.’

Ayan was charged close to $2153 for the offense. Hearing this romantic tale, a local business owner thought what the boyfriend did was ‘charming’ and ‘admirable’ and decided to help him pay half the fine.

What do you think of this entire act? Was it romantic or reckless? Tell us in the comment below!

Photo: © Twitter (Main Imag

10 Real Reasons Why Men Don’t Trust Women Anymore

Playing the blame game never does anybody any good. The nation is constantly trying to fight against all odds, become a better place to live in and yet reaching nowhere. And that’s probably because there’s a conflict going on within that’s pulling us back more than it is propelling us forward. Men and women seem to be at war with each other and that just makes every effort worthless. We’ve always tried to make men understand the plight of women in this country and why they should be equally supportive of women’s rights and it is only fair that this time we look at the other side. Turns out, men have their own reasons (however much legitimate or foolish they may seem to others) for not being able to trust women anymore, let alone understanding them! We’re not trying to stereotype every woman in the world or paint them all with the same brush, just being honest in giving the women out there a piece of our minds, with all due respect! Read on as we try and decode exactly why men have lost complete trust in the other gender.

1. Men, especially those who have been in relationships, swear by the fact that there is no way to gauge what goes on inside a woman’s mind. They don’t say what they mean and don’t mean what they say. You can never know what they really want. Understanding a woman is one thing a lot of men have just given up on! Yes, it is a stereotype but well, looks like there’s a reason why some stereotypes exist.

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2. Another reason why men have so many grudges against women is because every guy at some point in his life has gotten friendzoned. We men think it is rather insensitive of women to knowingly mislead guys into believing they’re interested when they’re really not. And the world knows it—once in the friendzone, always in the friendzone. It only makes those women look insensitive and selfish. The worst part is, they don’t even seem to acknowledge that they do deliberately mislead us as per their own convenience.

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3. Today, women have all the sympathy in the world. No denying that we need to make this country a better place for our women but not at the cost of ourselves being neglected in the process. Women don’t necessarily deserve sympathy for everything. We’re moving towards a direction where women are getting leverages at the cost of us. It disappoints to see how the world is getting biased towards them every day while our problems are not even considered genuine. Do you ever see people talking about crimes against men? Think about it.

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4. The laws are horribly biased towards women. Dowry is a criminal offence but demanding alimony is not. If a woman files a molestation case against a man, it is instantly assumed that he’s guilty.

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5. The nation is much more informed now and according to every recent survey and study, most rape and dowry cases filed by women are false. Now, we also know a lot of genuine cases go unreported and in no way are we trying to dilute the gravity of crimes against women in the country but let’s face it, a lot of women do misuse laws against men just because they can. And as unfortunate as it is, this has created a huge gap of mistrust between men and women. It is understandable why men constantly feel insecure and afraid of falling prey to such women.

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6. We totally support women fighting back and protesting against crimes, we really do. But what we often get in return is a tag of being ‘potential rapists’. A ride in the public transport is incomplete for us men without hostile glances from female passengers. We’re constantly judged and looked at as if we’re trying to molest them. We’re stereotyped at every point. All men are not rapists but women just don’t seem to get it.

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7. Indian men have also had enough of hypocrisy. It has become a fad to rant about how women are objectified all their lives by men, conveniently ignoring how an Indian man is insensitively reduced to his family wealth, bank balance and the company he works in. We know women have it difficult in India but men don’t have it easy either and it wouldn’t hurt if women could just acknowledge and understand it.

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8. Most women who call themselves feminists have a very warped idea of the movement. They either want superiority of women over men in the name of feminism or just switch sides as per their convenience. They want equal pay, equal rights, equal opportunities, respect, freedom (which we totally support) but also want the reserved Ladies seat in the Delhi metro. They still expect men to pay the bill on dates, still want their chairs to be pulled and still want to be able to play the ‘woman card’ to have it easy. It just looks like women today want to lead an easy life at the cost of men. It is definitely not equality that they want and it’s quite evident to the other gender.

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9. We’re not against feminism as we are against the way women are going about it, to be honest. Feminism is about giving women equal rights. It has nothing to do with hating men. But sadly, that’s exactly what feminism has come to be – misandry. It looks like they’re fighting against men instead of fighting against patriarchy, along with men. Their attitude has become rather spiteful in the recent times. While men are constantly trying to lend support and make women feel safe, they’re being made to feel like they are the problem.

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10. Men are largely misunderstood, no matter what they do. A casual internet joke on women is enough to stir up a storm. Thanks to the sudden wave of feminism, a guy cannot even voice his preferences in women openly with the fear of being slammed for ‘objectifying’ women or being labeled as a douchebag. It is perfectly fine for girls to prefer ‘tall, dark, handsome men’ but the moment a guy says he finds skinny girls hotter, all hell breaks loose!

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And now that we’ve said all that we wanted to do, we wouldn’t stay far behind in acknowledging that there are always two sides to a story. We know women, too, might have a lot to say about this. We’re just trying to bridge the gap between the two genders and if one of you women reading this wants to step up and say something, we’ll be all ears. Let’s put an end to this gender war. If you know how to make things better, the comment box is all yours!

Photo: © Illuminati-Films (Main Ima

10 Cruelest Wives In The History Of Mankind

There are enough articles all over the internet about husbands torturing their wives, but only a few about the cruelest wives in the history of mankind. These 10 wives did such horrifying things to their husbands, just reading about them will keep you awake at night.

1. Stacey Castor

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Stacey Castor’s second husband, David Castor was found dead in their apartment in 2005. A container of antifreeze and a turkey baster was found. The cops grew suspicious and on carrying out some tests, they found David Caster’s DNA on the tip of the turkey baster and Stacey Castor’s fingerprints on the antifreeze glass. It looked she had forcefully given him the antifreeze. The cops set up cameras in and around her house and tapped her phone conversations. They found out that her first husband, Wallace, had also died of a ‘heart attack’ some years ago. The suspicion grew stronger and it was when they exhumed her first husband Wallace’s dead body and carried out a toxicology screening that they found out Stacey Castor had killed both her husbands by poisoning them with antifreeze. And that wasn’t even the worst part. The moment she realized the cops had found out about her crimes, she framed her daughter Ashley as the murderer by giving her fatal painkillers and forging a letter that had Ashley confessing that she had killed both her fathers. But much to Stacey Castor’s dismay, Ashley lived to tell the truth.

2. Omaima Aree Nelson

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In 1991, a 23-yea-old Omaima Aree Nelson married William E. Nelson, a 56-year-old pilot just after a few days of meeting him. Soon, she filed complaints of sexual abuse against him. She stabbed her husband with scissors and beat him with a clothes iron. After he had died, she cut his body into pieces and boiled her husband’s head and hands to get rid of the fingerprints. His body was mixed with leftover turkey and disposed off in the garbage. She had castrated him too. She had even cooked his ribs in barbeque sauce and eaten them.

3. Crystal Boarder

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31-year-old Crystal Boarder and her husband Tony were into bondage. They had even filmed some of their sex games where they tied each other up in the barn outside their house. During one such bondage session, Crystal Boarder hung her husband in the barn and suffocated him. When he asked her to lower her down, she watched him die slowly for the next 40 minutes.

4. Betty Neumar

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This 76-year-old woman was convicted of killing 4 out of her 5 husbands. She got arrested in 2007 and mysteriously died in 2011.

5. Danwell Batista

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In 2001, Danwell Batista’s husband Dr. Richard Batista donated his kidney to her, since the previous two kidney transplants had failed. And, she repayed him this gesture in the cruelest way possible. Once she was out of the hospital after the successful kidney transplant, she cheated on him with her physical therapist. Not just that, she denied him the custody of their kids during the divorce.

6. Katya Kharitovonova

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Katya Kharitovonova caught her husband cheating on her with her friend Liza. What she did to him will scar you for life. When she found her husband lying naked with her friend she hit her friend on the head with a lamp and bit her husband’s penis off. The two had to be hospitalised immediately. While Liza suffered some severe injuries on the head, the husband’s penis had to be stiched back.

7. Maria Savez

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When she caught her husband in bed with her househelp, she got so infuriated, she ran down to the garage to fetch an axe. She attacked her husband on the head with a wooden axe. It took the surgeons 6 hours to remove the axe from his head.

8. The Saudi Arabian Wife Who Divorced Her Husband Because He Tried To Look At Her Face

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Yes, you read that right. A man tried to see his 50-year-old wife’s face after 30 years of marriage and she divorced him for this ‘offence’. The husband even apologised but the woman did not budge from her decision. Of course, we don’t know her name!

9. Li

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Li, a Chinese woman, gave her husband sleeping pills and while he lay unconscious on the bed, she removed his testicles using a fruit knife.

10. Katherine Knight

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She had a history of violent relationships in the past. She had broken her ex-husband’s dentures, slit open the throat of another ex-husband’s puppy. She stabbed one of her husbands 37 times and skinned him. She boiled his head, took off flesh from his buttocks and served it to their children for dinner. Ouch!

Photo: © Facebook (Main Image)

19 Kinds Of Friends You Don’t Need In Your Life

It’s easy being friendly, but being a friend – real difficult. There are friends who change your life for good and then there are those toxic friendships that leave you emotionally drained and disappointed. Some friends are amazing but we gotta let them go because they’re not right for us. Maybe, it’s time you revaluate some of your friendships. Here are 19 kinds of friends you simply don’t need in life.

1. Those who never have time for you. Yes, that one who has all the time in the world to party seven days a week but is apparently ‘too caught up in something urgent’ every time you need him.

2. Those who never initiate making plans with you. If you’re the only one making plans and showing interest in hanging out, it’s time you stop. Chances are, they won’t even bother if you stop calling them.

3. Those who always take you for granted. Those who enter your life and exit as they please, hurt you and assume you’ll forgive them each time. No matter how much you love them, if they don’t value you, the friendship isn’t worth it.

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4. Those who leave your side the moment you’re going through a low phase in life. It is during these times that we need our best friend to be there for us and tell us it’s all going to be okay. But if they’re so emotionally unavailable, they don’t deserve a place in your life.

5. Those who flock to you when you’re at your best. They aren’t around for you, only your success. And the moment you hit a low point in life, they’ll be gone before you know. They’re never going to be there for you when it matters.

6. Those who make you feel like sh*t. Being truthful is a great quality in a friend but there’s a thin line between being honest and being cynical. You don’t need unnecessary criticism about everything you do in your life.

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7. Those who want to hang out with you only when they have nothing better to do. You’re as special as anyone else, you don’t deserve to be so low in their priority list.

8. Those who don’t trust you even after so many years of your loyalty. There is only so much you can do to make someone trust you. If it hasn’t happened after all these years, it probably never will.

9. And, those you don’t trust. You would never be able to be yourself in front of them.

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10. Those who neither forget nor forgive. We all do things we don’t mean, commit mistakes that hurt people around us. But if that friend isn’t ready to forgive, forget and move on, there’s no happy ending to this friendship anyway.

11. Those who are just too competitive. A healthy amount is motivational; anything more than that results in spite and jealousy. If you have to think twice about telling a friend about your success in the fear of them getting competitive, it is time you step out of this toxicfriendship.

12. Those who keep making promises but never fulfil them. If they’re always disappointing you with false hopes, maybe it’s time you shut them off.

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13. Those who expect you to be all ears when they’re feeling low but are never interested in listening to your problems. Sometimes, all we need is someone we can speak our heart out to and if not your friend, then who?

14. Those who are so negative in life, their depression starts to rub off on you after a while. Be there for them, help them out, do whatever you can, but don’t let it depress you.

15. Those who always have their way, without even considering what you want. Seriously, it is time you stop being a pushover.

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16. Those who feel good by pulling others down. They’re doing it to them right now, they might start doing it to you too.

17. Those who try to control you. Some people just want everybody around them to function the way they want them to. It is your life and nobody but you call the shots. So, if you think your freedom is at stake, walk out.

18. Those who don’t understand your silence. The true mark of a friendship is when you don’t need words to communicate. But some people just don’t click on that level and there’s no point dwelling over such hollow friendships.

19. Those who are ashamed of you. These are the worst ones. Real friends are those who love you for who you are, who accept even your slightest flaws. If someone is constantly trying to change you, they’re not worth being your friend.

© Anurag Kashyap Films

Photo: © Yash Raj Films (Main Image)

10 Reasons Why You Should Avoid A Serious Relationship In Your 20s

Twenties is that part of life wherein either you make yourself, or break yourself. And truth be told, a serious relationship is one of the biggest deal breakers.  It’s not even hard to realize that how many times it has held you down when you could have taken a flight of dreams and aspirations. If you still don’t agree, here are 10 reasons that will make you realize about the things you are missing out on if you are in a serious relationship in your 20s.

1. First things first: you are still shuffling between jobs/internships. You almost have a non-existent schedule most part of which requires utter dedication to work and work alone. 20s demand utter focus on work and career. Where’s the time for love?

2. Heartbreaks actually hurt more when you are in the struggling decade of your life. In 20s, our heart has an edge over what our mind thinks is right. Same happens with relationships in the 20s- you become passionate about them. But most probably it’s hard to find a partner who’s just as much into you as you are into them. So, snap out of it!

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3. Serious commitments come with a responsibility and 20s is the time when you really can do without the responsibilities a serious relationship demands. Think you are responsible about stuff? Ask your parents, they’ll enlighten you!

4. You tend to be the most selfish in your 20s. Most of the decisions revolve around three people, namely ‘I, me and myself’. And why not, you are trying to be successful in life. A bit of that attitude won’t hurt. So why put anybody in the mix who expects things from you knowing that you will only end up letting them down?

5. You still haven’t totally discovered yourself sexually. One night-stand, drunk make out sessions with strangers and online dating, 20s is filled with this. Given the fact that sex life plays a major role in sustaining a lasting relationship you need to be well aware what turns you on, consistently. And 20s, without doubt, is the best time to discover that. So, it’s better not to hold yourself back by a relationship.

6. There’s just so much distraction when it comes to liking a certain person. You meet so many people and probably get attracted to so many people in your 20s that it’s hard to draw out your type.

7. You are already not spending enough time with your family and friends, thanks to trying to make it big in life. Add a serious relationship to this soup and there goes your family and social life for a toss!

8. You are just too frivolous in almost everything you do. You have broken promises, gotten into relationships you just didn’t need and bailed out on your partners at the drop of a hat. And of course, you certainly don’t want to break anyone’s heart anymore.

9. 20s is the best time to travel. And truth be told, travelling takes a serious toll on relationships. If you are travelling frequently, chances are that you will always be missing out on the action with your partner and that surely will not go down with them. Also, travelling together in 20s is like day dreaming, thanks to shrunken pay cheques and family constraints. It’s also hard to remain sexually loyal when you travel frequently. So, spare the pain and go discover yourself!

10. Most importantly, serious relationships in 20s screw up your happiness. Nagging partners, fights on trivial issues and failed expectations of getting married are just a few out of a long list. You really don’t want to be tied down by all these mere issues and ruin the best decade of your life.

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10 Things We Need To Teach Our Sons And Daughters

We get offended at the slightest of things, put ourselves in endless struggles to bring about social reforms and still don’t end up anywhere. This generation has been fighting too many wars at once – the gender one being the most dominant. And that’s probably because we have all the wrong notions about gender equality, culture, traditions and more importantly, their importance in our lives. It is high time we start teaching our sons and daughters things that will help them build a society that is more tolerant and accepting.

1. Everybody is different – some people are tall, some short; some like people from the other sex, some from the same one. It is as simple as that. There is nothing special about any of them, and there’s nothing wrong with either. Being homosexual is as normal as being straight. You don’t need to be proud of it. Neither should you feel ashamed of it.

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2. We need to teach our daughters to never feel inadequate or any less powerful than our sons. Girls and boys are equal and won’t be treated any differently. Don’t think you’re inferior, but don’t demand extra care, attention and leverage either. We need to teach them never to allow the world to be unfair to them because they’re women. And more than that, we need to prepare them that life won’t be easier for them just because they’re women. We need to stop encouraging them from playing the ‘woman card’ for no reason.

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3. We need to stop telling our sons to ‘not hit her because she is a girl’. Teach them not to hit anyone because violence is cruel, not because it is a girl in question. That is gender equality. We need to stop indirectly telling them that girls are weaker and that they need a man’s protection and even worse, mercy to survive.

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4. It doesn’t matter how big or small a job is. If there’s passion, the choice is always right. We need to free the next generation of all societal pressures of what is an ideal job and what is not. It will make them respect and accept every profession. It will also encourage them to do what really makes them happy.

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5. Nobody can deny the importance of culture, traditions and religion. It is, in fact, important to acquaint your child to his/her roots. But, we also need to tell them that no religion is worth following if it spoils peace between two people. Your religion and culture is your own and should not be forced upon others.

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6. Talking of religion, we also need to teach them that no religion is above another. You don’t need to be a follower of every religion to respect them. Never look down upon any other person’s religious beliefs or traditions.

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7. Love with all your heart but know that you need to give the other person his/her own freedom for that love to prosper peacefully. Don’t try to control the ones you love. You’ll end up losing them. And this is something we need to understand ourselves, before we teach it to our kids.

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8. Your grades are never going to define the person you turn out to be. Your marks don’t matter. But having said that, there’s no replacement for hard work either.

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9. Be comfortable in your own skin. Don’t let anyone else belittle you because you’re too tall or too thin or too short or too dark. You were not born to please them anyway. You are much more than your outer appearance. Don’t let it affect you so deeply that you grow up into an insecure person who needs to seek everybody’s approval.

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10. Love yourself the way you are but also learn to accept people the way they are. Respect the fact that others will have different opinions and that doesn’t make them wrong.

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Photo: © Columbia Pictures Corporation (Main Image)

21 Things In Life We’re Thankful To Our Fathers For

A man’s bond with his father is the most special one. There can be nobody more selfless and loving than a father. It is almost as if humanity would cease to exist if not for fathers. This Father’s Day, we pay a tribute to all the fathers in this world by thanking them for everything they’ve done and continue to do for us.

1. For letting us learn things the hard way. There were times when they stood back and let us struggle, let us commit mistakes, and find a way out ourselves just to teach us that nothing comes easy in life.

2. For teaching us the value of money. For also teaching us that money cannot buy us everything. Happiness, most certainly not.

3. For understanding us when we went through the most rebellious stage in our lives – adolescence. For not making a big deal out of embarrassing situations – be it the time when they got to know about our girlfriends or when they walked in on us watching porn. For assuring us that they really understood.

4. For having all the ‘guy talks’ with us about things we couldn’t have discussed with anyone else.

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5. For teaching us to be sensitive and compassionate towards all people – those just like us, those above us and those below us. We wouldn’t have known the meaning of respect had it not been for our fathers.

6. And more than that, for teaching us not to take sh*t from anyone either. For teaching us to fight back and put our foot down, to claim what was ours.

7. For instilling a sense of ambition in us and also teaching us that no success is worth it if you don’t have your loved ones around to celebrate it with. Family comes first and that’s one lesson we’ll always be thankful to them for.

8. For teaching us fearlessness. For letting us go out there and do things we wanted to. For letting us break out of our shells and be unapologetically ourselves. For telling us that the world is ours.

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9. For teaching us selflessness – the way they always put the needs of their family first and felt the deepest joys in their happiness. For teaching us that it’s not always about ourselves. Sometimes, the biggest pleasure in life is to see a loved one smile.

10. For being our friend and saving us from all the troubles. For sneaking us out of troubled situations with our mothers and handling them alone.

11. For teaching us to care for and protect the ones we love.

12. For teaching us to forgive and forget. For teaching us that people who love each other never hold grudges, for having us know that there is no argument worth losing your closest ones over.

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13. For the undying love and support they showered us with, no matter what we were going through in life, no matter how misunderstood we felt.

14. For teaching us to accept failures and move on. For correcting us when we were wrong so we could learn to take criticism the right way. No one else could have told us the truth as honestly as they did.

15. For believing in us when the world didn’t. For making us feel like we really were worthy of achieving all that there was. We owe all the confidence we have in life today to them.

16. For making us into men. Your father was the first man you ever saw, the person from whom you imbibed your identity as a man.

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17. For making us wise, for teaching us the difference between right and wrong.

18. For teaching us how to communicate without saying things out loud, for teaching us the power of silence.

19. For not letting our success get to our heads, for keeping our feet grounded.

20. For teaching us the importance of independence, for making us fend for ourselves, for making us want to make something out of our lives, just like them. For making us able enough to stand on our own feet.

21. For teaching us the importance of family. For having us know that there is no problem in the world that cannot be solved with the help of your family.

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And for that and more, we thank you Dad! Happy Father’s Day!

This Upset German Husband Gave His Ex-Wife HALF Of Everything. Literally!!

A German man followed his divorce agreement too literally by giving his ex-wife half of every object they owned together.

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© eBay

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The man used power tools to make sure his ex-wife got everything in half, including the bed, chairs, television set, the car and even the iPhone. Ouch.

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© eBay

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The man, known as Der Juli, can be seen in the video cutting objects into half with the help of tools. The YouTube description to the video reads, “Thank you for the 12 beautiful years, Laura. You’ve earned half. Greetings to the successor.” He is selling his half of the belongings on eBay.

10 Things Every Man Wants in Bed

Rare is the man who demands acrobatic porno stunts and a closet filled with ball gags and leather whips. Sure, those men exist, and if that’s your cup of kink, go for it. But the truth is, most guys are a little more predictable in their bedroom proclivities. We just want a sex life that’s a little spicy, a little sweet, and still occasionally surprising. Easy enough, right? Sure it is! To make the bedroom a sexual sanctuary, here are the things dudes desire most.

1. To See You Take Initiative
We’re happy to make the first move, and if you don’t, we will. But it’s so much more rewarding when we know how eager you are. Because no matter how much you seem to enjoy the heat, if you never light the match, we have to wonder if you don’t secretly prefer the cold.

2. Sexy Lingerie
We know you mostly wear it to turn us on, and we really, really appreciate it—even if we seem to barely notice as we rip it off and toss it on the floor.

3. Foreplay
Don’t be fooled by guys you see in movies who are always horny and ready to screw like RIGHT NOW. Truth is, we love the slow build as much as we love the crescendo. And good sex provides both.

4. Spontaneity
It’s impossible for a couple not to fall into some kind of rut, even if it’s a shallow one. So don’t ever be afraid to change things up. Pre-work sex, sex without penetration, and sex on the living room coffee table all do the trick. Just be sure to wipe it down before you put the magazines back.

MORE: 11 Things That Make You Great in Bed

5. Dirty Talk
Or at the very least, some encouraging moans to let us know when we’re on the right track.

6. To Hear His Name
Nothing keeps us in the moment like the sound of our own name. Use that to your advantage.

7. Safety
Unless we’re in a long-term relationship, you’re taking the Pill, and we’ve both been tested for STDs, then condoms are still part of the equation. Odds are, we have one with us. But what if we run out? Or we forget it? If you can whip out a rubber like sexual Houdini, that’s hot. Even better is if you occasionally pull it out before we have a chance to. It shows us that you’re committed to our sex life, and that you’re willing to take joint responsibility for our safety.

MORE: 9 Signs He’s Only Interested in Sex

8. A Game-for-Anything Attitude
If we want to play out a fantasy or try a new position, we hope you’ll at least be open to trying. And we promise—we’ll do the same for you.

9. A Sense of Humor
When things go wrong, it can either be hilarious, or devastating. Our ability to laugh together makes the difference.

10. To Make You Orgasm
It’s not all about us, and we know it. So, please—tell us what you want. We aim to please.

MORE: 9 Things Men Think When They See You Naked

5 Bullsh*t Excuses Men Give to Get Out of Relationships One brave guy owns up to the nonsense.

Thousands of years ago, soon after two starry-eyed cave people entwined themselves in the first monogamous relationship, a caveman made the very first bullsh*t relationship excuse. Considering the era, it was probably “I’m just at a point in my life where I’m really focused on my rocks” or “Not you; it me.” Since then, guys have continued to skirt issues, talk circles, and confuse everyone involved when making excuses to end relationships. Here are some of the most common, as well as why they should go the way of that cave dude.

1. “It’s Not You—It’s Me.”
James Dean. Marilyn Monroe. The Whopper. These are the classics. The true originals from whom all others steal. Just like them, INYIM is a distillation of every quality that makes bullsh*t excuses true bullsh*t. Patronizing? Check. Nonsensical? Check. Vague? Check. Not to mention it’s cliché. If he thinks he thinks you’ve never heard this one before, he’s not into Seinfeld, Dawson’s Creek, or Boy Meets World—and who wants to date that monster?

2. “I’m Just Not Wired for Long-Term Commitment.”
He wants a relationship, but he’s just too evolved. The life he has to live can’t possibly be contained by one partner. He’s complex, dynamic. Hethrives on variation. He’d love to keep talking about this, but he actually has to go to his weekly standing Mario Kart and Chili Dogs meet-up with his college buddies. He knows it doesn’t sound like much, but he can’t miss it. They’ve been committed to this for years.

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3. “Things are Just So Crazy Right Now.”
Maybe he recently lost a job. Maybe he’s in the middle of a move. Maybe he just replaced Shifty Shellshock as lead singer of early 2000s rap metal band, Crazy Town. But when things are crazy, people generally look to their inner circle for support. If he’s not into that, it’s probably because he’s not really into the relationship.

4. “I Need to Focus on My Music/Comedy/Rocks/Musical Rock Comedy.”
A true creative suffers for his art. So it logically follows that the more people who suffer, the more creative the art, right? Wrong—but artist boyfriends sure like to act this way. Maybe it’s a scheduling issue. After all, the black box theatre willing to put on “ROCKS: THE IMPROV MUSICAL” probably keeps some pretty strange hours. But if he’s not willing to compromise on his time, there’s little else he’ll budge on.

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5. “I Don’t Want to Hurt You Like I’ve Hurt Girls Before.”
“I want to hurt you more!” This one takes the cake by not only remaining vague but also adding a nice sheen of narcissism and bringing to mind girls that you weren’t aware of or thinking about in the first place. The best remedy for this serial narcissist is to peace out and do what these girls he can’t seem to forget did: never think about him again.